The Verdict.

It's been two month and a day since my last post here. Since then, i've actually felt a whole lot better. The emotional roller coaster did have more loops in them, but the ride was much more worth it this time. 

To make the short story shorter.. I'm much more happy now. You know, realizing that you've been tied down for a year kinda makes you wished you'd turn back and stopped yourself. But then, I'm thankful it happened cause then I realized that well, i'm capable of being faithful to someone who well... yeah. :)) enough said. 

will update soon. <3

Exhibit A

It's been a long time since I posted something on this thing. If anyone's reading this, WELCOME BACK TO A CRAZY WORLD.


Last time I logged in here, i had a fiancé, a son, a daughter, dreams... all of those. Now, what's left? Hope.

Things don't actually turn out the way you plan them to. For a 15 year old, i definitely never planned on getting my heart broken this early. Sure. a lot may say "you're still young" or "wala yan. Move on lang".. Well, here's the thing...


YOU TRY TO DO IT FIRST.


Falling in love is a great thing they say... falling OUT of it though? It's a greater thing. Honestly, i would've never thought of it myself unless I heard it from someone.( Big credits to Lovi Poe on this)

I'm not denying the fact I love too much. More than what I'm capable of. Which is funny. I never really thought I'd love more than what i think... but i guess what you feel is, at most times, greater than anything your mind can conjure up.

I don't believe in falling in love anymore..

yeah.. i really don't.


I believe everything's planned. None of that destiny stuff anymore. Hopefully not for me. I think everything's planned. Maybe not by you, but by someone else. I never had control of my life. That's where I messed up. I've been longing for the control that no one could ever have. I wanted consistency.. yet i got pain instead. Which comes to this post..


PAIN is consistent. CHANGE is consistent. REGRETTING is consistent.


but you know what else is consistent?


LOVE.


try thinking over this post. It's chaos when you read it the first time.. i know.. I got confused din. :)) But really, THINK ABOUT IT.


Thanks for all the memories. They will forever be in my heart. Thank you for teaching me things. I love you, but i know someone could love you more. :)




<<liveandletgo>>

The tale of two butterflies

There were two butterflies

so high up in the sky.

Their wings would collide 

and fly right pass by. 

They saw each other one day

They didn't know why

but at the end of it all

There hearts were covered with smiles

They spent their days together

and flew as one

they took care of one another

as they basked happily in the sun

Little did they both expect

that one day this would all end

When the two happy butterflies realize

that the other one's heart is dead

No more smiles showed up

it all ended in tears

Their little wings couldn't hold

The weight their little heart feels

So the two butterflies decided

It was time to depart

for their little heart to recover

For their lives to have a new start

One of them fled to the meadow

The other to the valley's side

The girl butterfly tried to leave the other

But her wings couldn't fly

Her little heart was tearing up

And her little eyes went blind

And all the other butterfly did

Was left her with no goodbye

He left her alone by the flowers

No matter how sweet they smell

The little butterfly fell apart

There is no more story left to tell

The boy butterfly left off

Without knowing why

He thought about himself that day

But didn't have the nerve to say goodbye

The little butterfly in the meadow

No matter how sad she may be

Let the other butterfly go

Just for him to be happy

Everytime he smiles by the valley

And forgets what happened to thee

The little butterfly left in the meadow

Had no more choice of glee

She fluttered away, not to the meadow

but beyond the far end of the sky

Her heart driven with pain

As she never wanted to say goodbye.

To this day that butterfly

Flies off to the deep end

She searches for another butterfly

To look for someone to fix what he couldn't mend

No matter how hard she tries

That butterfly of hers

could not leave her sight

No matter how hard she searched.

As the story goes that butterfly

Soared across the skies

into the clouds of heaven

As she closes her eyes. 

Square One.

You're my password.

You're the face is the first thing I see in the morning

I can't sleep until i know you're ok.

No matter what happens, i can't seem to erase you.

No matter how happy i get.


No matter who comes my way.

They'll never be like you.

So heres to the happy memories

To the times when ego was nothing but a word.

when things weren't as complicated as before.


To the best 2 years of my life so far.

To the promises we made and the things we'd do together.

To the childish games we played.

To when we couldn't see anyone else, cause they didn't matter.


Cheers to your new found happiness.

To your brand new life.

To the ability to keep me away now.

I'm happy for you.

I truly am.

So the night begins to dawn.

And the darkness begins to become constant.

I say goodnight, for the last time.

To make you smile for eternity.

Just woke up from my first afternoon nap after.... a really long time. I wished I'd slept the entire summer or something cause now.. I CAN'T SLEEP. I know I should be doing PASS by now or studying for my UPCAT test or whatever, but i just can't seem to do it :|. There's like something wrong with me. 

*sighs*

So the other night i had the worst dream ever. Let's just say it involves a little kid and when i woke up, it made my heart sad. :( It's a bit annoying how you were ALMOST there, but didn't quite make it. (As for the meaning of the sentence that was just said, I have no energy to explain it.) 

That being said, I really don't know where I'll start. It seems a bit odd to look for something that you were never sure was there. How could I be looking for something i never knew existed? 

CARDS.

.... TALKING ABOUT OLD ANIME.



grabe, i never though we'd actually have a full on discussion about it during lunch today. it started with a small discussion and ended up reminiscing about nearly ALL the old anime stuff ahead. man.. i miss being a kid :(

Turning

I 've been struck by opposing views, not just coming from a two sided congregational debate, but from a hundred sided figure going at each other at the point of their intersection.


And sadly.. it's not a pretty sight.

School

I probably don't have any readers yet... basically because I don't really broadcast this thing out to the entire world.


Right now, i'm with my bestfriend/mom/dad... JULIANA MARIA A. MASILUNGAN. <3

Yeah.. and some guy named derrick.

OH. did i mention YUJI? yeah.. he could beat you up with a hand.

anyways, recently I failed my physics exam. I know it doesn't really mean anything to other people, but take note.. it's the FIRST one for this year. THE FIRST QUIZ, and I failed...



Uhhh.. yeah.. good start.

next Chapter

TO ALL THE CONFUSED PEOPLE OUT THERE.

including myself...


here it goes...



Being a Christian isn't easy. It's one of THE MOST difficult things I'll ever be doing in my entire life. I realized that now. You have to obey, follow the rules and live knowing that whatever you do, God will always be watching. Whatever you say, He'll be listening and whatever you think, He knows it before it even popped in your head...

Now, why am I saying this?

Because it only dawned on me now.


For the past couple of months, I'll admit, I've been backsliding and going forward in the Faith. Sure, I haven't been doing drugs or getting myself drunk or doing those "extreme" things you see teenagers on TV do some times, but a BACKSLIDE will always be A BACKSLIDE.


I've been searching for this answer that has been secretly locked up somewhere in the vast world, not having to know a clue where to find it. This answer to my question " HOW COULD I LIVE. I mean.. LIVE LIFE PROPERLY. Live a life where I don't have to be guilt-stricken all the time. A life that means much more.

Though I had a feeling that a lot of people would probably say something with the starting word GOD... it didn't seep into me. I had not a single problem about that, but it felt like He was telling me the answer is something else. That it was much more deeper than that.


Tonight, I found it in the most unfortunate twist of circumstance.

He told me, through a really good friend of mine, that though obeying and following the rules and regulations of the Lord is important, the main idea that God is pointing out is simple..

JUST HAVE FAITH.
in everything.
in every single situation
in all that you do.

The church is there to guide you. The bible is there, more often than not, as a way for God to communicate with you through the text you're reading.

But the real and only way you could ever understand life is when you just have FAITH in GOD.

I'm not a preacher.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not anywhere close to that
I can't even say I thoroughly obey every single things He said.
Most of the times, I even contradict it..
But I know He still loves me.


So now, I have to go through this whole mess I started. I don't know whether or not I'm gonna keep my bestfriend. I don't know if we're gonna be ok.

I just don't know.

but what i do know is that..


It'll be Faith that'll keep me going.

I'm human...i need reasons. I need something to hold unto.

And as much as I know a lot more people out there are having a much harder time than I am, I just wanted to get this out.

I miss my bestfriend so much and I know that I'm forgiven already.. but a part of me feels like it's about to jump off a 30-storey building.

Might as well just keep moving forward...

Here We Go.

Hey. I never really got to the whole point why I end up making blogs then leaving them.. I guess it's cause i keep forgetting the password or something. Anyway, the reason why I made this was because it's said that writing or typing down what you feel is therapeutic in some way. Might as well try it, right? 

Currently, there's a typhoon that's making its way through <?> the Phil. right now. It's only been 6 months and already i can't keep track of how many typhoons we had. Bright side though: NO CLASSES. (Missed my physics and math test with that too) 

So, here's the first thing i want to talk about. It may seem like too much for a first blog, but hey,I'll make it as interesting as I can. 

Basically nowadays, everyone has a bestfriend. Oui? But have you ever thought about who that ONE bestfriend could be? It may seem cliche but you've got to admit that you have that one person here on earth that knows your secrets, your attitude, your likes and dislikes... who knows you like the back of their hand. Funny thing about this is that, you know that person that well too. 

WHAT IF ONE DAY... you have no idea who he/she is anymore?

One day.. you just..

FORGOT?